Buzzing.

Well good evening once again. So let's get my thoughts straight here because I feel like I have a lot of them right now. The immediate first I suppose, factual I mean. Tomorrow I need to do a bit of paperwork and make a few phone calls. I also need to write a few things up. This includes brainstorming some meals that I can with some amount of confidence learn how to cook. Then I need to actually make a list of things I need for those meals and go get them. I need to include snacks on that list. I need to clean out my husband's bag. I need to finish laundry by tonight really, and put it away tomorrow. I need to clean out the old food. I think those are the big get done tomorrow tasks. Later this week I would like to reorganize some things in the downstairs sitting room. Okay so those are the basics of it. Future plans. While the idea of benefits hangs in the balance, I am considering making plans to sell some things at the local community market to make some extra cash. I feel like that would be good for me. Something I can put some energy into and get out for but that isn't tied to a deadline or other obligation that I will be in trouble for if I miss. I'll talk to my husband about it more too. OH I NEED TO ORDER THE THING FOR THE RABBIT. Yeah. Those are the big things I think covered for the most part. Holding things together with duct tape right now so to speak.

Um...feelings wise. Let's see. Stressed still. Tired. Actually I am going to like...really try to keep my medical journal updated. I might kinda revamp the whole thing to be honest. That's a good idea actually. Well the tl;dr version then is that I feel shitty still but I'm. Trying really hard to be hopeful. I know that's silly for me to be having a hard time with it but lately I just...it's been hard. I'm scared of the down you know? The up is always so fantastic and it usually makes it easier. The balance and all. But lately it feels like there is just always more and more to lose. That's always my problem is that I allow myself to have more and more to lose. I don't regret it. But sometimes I really look at myself and think "had I not let it become like this, there wouldn't be fear." There is nothing in this world I am afraid of except for being alone.

Anyway I'll talk more about the health stuff on that page. Going to update that tonight.